Thank you, Rachel, for hosting me today on The Jeep Diva
with my new adult parody,
The Cruise – All That Glitters. The story is a
twisting satire about love on the high seas with Dean, an overly confident
mid-thirties bachelor, hoping to find romance—or his version of it—on board a
cruise ship.
I’m often asked how I develop the personalities and
attitudes of my characters. And so far, none have been as controversial as
Dean, my main man in The Cruise. No doubt many of you have met, or even
dated, someone like Dean, then a week later, changed your phone number to save
your sanity. While he’s definitely a real piece of work, he’s also a piece of
fiction. Well, almost . . .
Several years ago, a girlfriend and I took a cruise to the
French West Indies. After planning the trip for nearly a year—enticing each
other with the lure of warm breezes, white sandy beaches, and the taste of a
foreign tongue—we packed our skimpiest bathing suits and headed for the port of
Miami.
Passengers on board the ship were the usual complement of
honeymooners, middle-age couples, poorly behaved children, and single
stragglers. One guy in particular caught our attention (he was making the
effort, after all, so why disappoint?) Strolling the decks with drink in hand,
he tried to appear nonchalant while always on his way to nowhere in particular.
We watched him with mild curiosity, and when he began to zero in on my friend,
she remained disinterested enough to drive him crazy. By the end of the voyage,
I had ample inspiration for a boatload of Deans.
In the
following excerpt, Dean is being driven to the airport by his older brother,
Carl. On the way to his first cruise ship vacation, Dean is bombarded with the
kind of brotherly advice that would make most of us consider putting ourselves
up for adoption . . .
Here’s an excerpt:
“You never know,
maybe I’ll find someone I really like.”
“Don’t count on
it,” Carl warned. “You’ll probably wind up meeting an insecure, middle-aged,
divorced waitress with three kids and a dog. And that’s if you have any luck at
all.”
Carl. My big
brother. My only brother. I had planned to take a taxi to the airport, but Carl
had insisted on giving me a ride. And now I was pushing stiff-armed against the
dash, trying to keep myself upright as he banked his classic ‘67 Chevelle on
the off-ramp for short-term parking.
His cigarette
twitched up and down in his mouth as he launched into his
big-brother-telling-little-brother-to-be-careful-when-you’re-out-of-town
speech.
“Remember the last
girl you met?”
Even after two
years he wouldn’t let me forget.
“At the end of
every month,” he continued, “she was twelve bucks short of the rent, her
station wagon was permanently in the shop, and she wouldn’t blow ya. Remember?
Am I getting through to you, little brother?”
I started to
answer, but Carl was twisting the steering wheel, the squeal of burning rubber
merging with glassy clinks and pops as a half-dozen empty beer bottles rolled
across the back floorboard. He finally hit the brakes, bringing the car to a
sliding stop only inches from the bumper of a new Ford. I let out the breath I
was holding.
“F**king rental
cars,” he said, glaring at fine Detroit chrome.
He shed his
sweat-stained baseball cap and tossed it to the back seat before ceremoniously
straightening a faded burgundy garter hanging from the rear view mirror. Gently
pulling on the aging elastic until it touched his nose, he sniffed at the
long-expired fragrance from some never-to-be-forgotten adolescent romance.
“So, are you listening
to me?”
“Yeah, I heard
you,” I said finally.
He had no business
giving me advice. Since his early twenties he had bounced between a dozen
women, most of whom had sent him on his way with threats of a restraining
order. His longest relationship had been with a pre-operative transsexual who
was starting her initial hormone treatments. Halfway through the transition,
her voice had dropped an octave, and my brother had asked me if it was
considered “gay” to date someone who was looking forward to sharing jock
straps.
“By the way,” Carl
said as we walked through the terminal doors and toward the gate, “mom still
doesn’t know you’re going, right?”
“Like I told you
before, I don’t want her to worry.”
“Don’t need to
explain it to me, little brother,” Carl snorted. “You did right. You can tell
her all about it when you get back. And hell, you know her concern over the
flying is only part of it. If she found out you were going on a cruise, she’d
be all over you with advice. First thing outta her mouth: ‘Maybe you’ll meet a
nice girl, someone to settle down with.’ Sh*t. You know better than that.
Here’s
a brief synopsis:
It’s love on the high seas for
Dean, a thirty-something bachelor taking his first cruise, hoping for a
shipboard romance. On the prowl for the elusive hard-body, he quickly becomes
disillusioned, wondering if his expectation of a boatload of beautiful sea
nymphs is something found only in travel brochures.
Until he meets Angel.
She is the girl of his dreams,
brought to life as a bewitching goddess, ready to engage in every sensual
delight. Quickly lured into submission by Angel’s seductive charms, Dean is
ready to surrender his heart and soul to this provocative beauty.
Until he meets Marcie . . .
Author Bio:
Jaye Frances is the author of
The Kure, a paranormal-occult
romance novel,
The Possibilities of Amy, a New-Adult/Mature YA
coming-of-age romance, and
The Cruise-All That Glitters, a humorous
adult satire about romance aboard a cruise ship. Her upcoming work, scheduled
for an August 2012 release, is titled
The Beach, a sci-fi fantasy about
a man who is given the opportunity to receive his ultimate wish and lives to
regret it. She is also a featured columnist for the NUSA SUN magazine. Born in
the Midwest, Jaye readily admits that her life’s destination has been the
result of an open mind and a curiosity about all things irreverent. When she’s
not consumed by her writing, Jaye enjoys cooking, traveling to all places
tropical and “beachy” and taking pictures—lots of pictures—many of which find
their way to her website. Jaye lives on the central gulf coast of Florida,
sharing her home with one husband, six computers, four cameras, and several
hundred pairs of shoes. For more information, visit Jaye’s website at
www.jayefrances.com, or Jaye’s Blog at
http://blog.jayefrances.com
The Cruise – All That Glitters is available now
in Kindle eBook from Amazon
Jaye is giving away a Kindle eCopy of The Cruise - All That Glitters. Comment below with email address. I will announce the winner Wednesday August 22.
